I tried looking on the Web for the original lyrics to the title song from the Cockney musical comedy Fings ain't wot they used t'be, by Lionel Bart, but all I could find were the different lyrics sung to the same tune by Max Bygraves. As I have on CD the original-cast recording of the show from 1960, here's my transcription from the sound, with some improvements added later from Chris's version below (with thanks to him). 'Wolfenden' refers to the Wolfenden Report on homosexuality and prostitution, published in 1957.
I used to lead a lovely life of sin
(Dough! I charged a ton)
Now it's become an undercover game
Who wants to read a notice in a window, "Massaging done"?
Somehow the business doesn't seem the same.
It's a very different scene
Well, if you know what I mean
There's toffs with toffee noses and
Poofs in coffee houses and
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
There's short-time low-priced mysteries
Without proper histories
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
There used to be class
Doing the town
Buying a bit of vice
And that's when a brass
Couldn't go down
Under the union price
Not likely!
Once in golden days of yore
Ponces killed a lazy whore
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
Cops from universities
Dropsy, what a curse it is
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
Big hoods now are little hoods
Gamblers now do Littlewoods
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
There used to be schools
Thousands of pounds
Passing across the baize
There used to be tools
Flashing around
Oh for the bad old days
Remember...
How we used to [pull/fall] for them
I've got news for Wolfenden
Fings ain't wot they used t'be
(Did their lot they used to)
Fings ain't wot they used t'be.
